“You good?” “Yeah, all good.” Conversation over. We've all had that exchange a hundred times, and it tells you nothing.
Most men don't open up because someone asks the right deep question. They open up sideways – while doing something else, after the second drink, on the drive home. So make the check-in easy to answer honestly.
Swap the question
- Instead of “You good?” try “What's been the hardest part of the last month?” It assumes there is one. There always is.
- Instead of “Let me know if you need anything” try “I'm grabbing food Thursday, come with.” Specific beats open-ended every time.
- If he says something real, don't fix it right away. “That sounds rough. How long has that been going on?” buys more trust than any advice.
Do it side by side
Darts, a game on TV, a fire pit, fixing something in the garage. Shoulder to shoulder works better than face to face. Nobody has to make eye contact while saying the hard bit.
Follow up once
A text three days later – “Thought about what you said, how's it going?” – is the part almost nobody does, and the part people remember.
If a friend talks about not wanting to be around, take it seriously. Stay with him and call or text 988 together.
